Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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