Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
