The brown eye won't let me do that either.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
