Just fell off a train. Bad.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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