But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
