im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
