wanna go halves on a baby?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
