So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
