I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
