Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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