Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
