Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
