Porn is love you can see.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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