When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
