Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
