I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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