Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
