but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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