no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
