That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
