hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
