My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
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