Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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