we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
