I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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