My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
