i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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