My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
