If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
She bit a glass in half.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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