Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
