goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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