god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
