I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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