apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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