one two three fourrrrnication!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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