was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
