Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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