looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
