he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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