He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
