Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Randomize
