last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
