he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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