he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
