worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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