I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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