k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
