my phone needs a breathalizer
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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