Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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