i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
